I just have to say, you are a special kind of evil if you are using a pandemic to steal sick people's identities. You undermine the legitimate hard work of people trying to contain a virus and also hurt families who are already suffering.
What the actual fuck.
Monday, June 29, 2020
Saturday, June 27, 2020
Weekends are for work
When you have 24 hours to contact someone after they've been identified, you work weekends. When the processes are convoluted and there are multiple mobilizations happening simultaneously, you work evenings. You set meetings before the work day has begun.
All of this is to say that I am trying, but I know I could do better with better resourcing, planning, and a break. I do this to myself, but I may be pushing to far.
Demob, I wait for you with bated breath!
All of this is to say that I am trying, but I know I could do better with better resourcing, planning, and a break. I do this to myself, but I may be pushing to far.
Demob, I wait for you with bated breath!
Friday, June 26, 2020
Incident Command: Demobilization
I am officially working towards demobilization in my current role. Mysterious, no?
Wednesday, June 24, 2020
Happy Mask Day!
In the Portland area, and a few other counties, today marks the first day masks are required for indoor public locations.
People have a lot of feelings about masks.
I recently acquired a mask extender AKA ear saver, which is a bit like the world's tiniest scarf with a button on either end. It sits along the back of my head (the occipital bone area?) and it coverts the ear loop style of mask into one that wraps fully around my head.
I've tied knots and adjusted my masks, but not perfectly. I've never had a mask fitted to me, so I've been a bit in the dark on what a well-fitting mask feels like, despite reading up on it.
Getting there though.
People have a lot of feelings about masks.
I recently acquired a mask extender AKA ear saver, which is a bit like the world's tiniest scarf with a button on either end. It sits along the back of my head (the occipital bone area?) and it coverts the ear loop style of mask into one that wraps fully around my head.
I've tied knots and adjusted my masks, but not perfectly. I've never had a mask fitted to me, so I've been a bit in the dark on what a well-fitting mask feels like, despite reading up on it.
Getting there though.
Monday, June 22, 2020
Mulling this over not only as it relates to the political stage, but also to my work within the pandemic:
"In the meantime, I leave anyone who has the bad luck to be in public life at this moment with a final thought from Władysław Bartoszewski, who was a member of the wartime Polish underground, a prisoner of both the Nazis and the Stalinists, and then, finally, the foreign minister in two Polish democratic governments. Late in his life—he lived to be 93—he summed up the philosophy that had guided him through all of these tumultuous political changes. It was not idealism that drove him, or big ideas, he said. It was this: Warto być przyzwoitym—“Just try to be decent.” Whether you were decent—that’s what will be remembered."
~ Anne Applebaum
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/07/trumps-collaborators/612250/
"In the meantime, I leave anyone who has the bad luck to be in public life at this moment with a final thought from Władysław Bartoszewski, who was a member of the wartime Polish underground, a prisoner of both the Nazis and the Stalinists, and then, finally, the foreign minister in two Polish democratic governments. Late in his life—he lived to be 93—he summed up the philosophy that had guided him through all of these tumultuous political changes. It was not idealism that drove him, or big ideas, he said. It was this: Warto być przyzwoitym—“Just try to be decent.” Whether you were decent—that’s what will be remembered."
~ Anne Applebaum
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/07/trumps-collaborators/612250/
Tuesday, June 9, 2020
COVID Cases
It's hard to tell what is happening in reality, and not an artifact of my individual view of the situation. However I think that I entered contact tracing work as numbers in Oregon have started to escalate in a noticeable way and that it isn't just me seeing more of it. We shall see what the longer term curve looks like, which will impact how busy I am in my role.
I will share one thing that hit me harder than I expected. On Sunday one of my tracers talked to a contact who reported symptoms. Acting as team lead, I escalated this to the local health department. These words sound so factual and frankly unexciting, but reporting my first presumptive positive case did not feel routine. I have mostly been experiencing this pandemic in terms of populations, incidence curves, and sweeping policies - but here was a sick individual that was, for a few minutes, my responsibility. I rushed to call and email the people I needed to reach and then I sat with it for a few minutes. I broke down briefly.
Sounds melodramatic. Feels melodramatic. But in that moment it got to me. I wasn't even the direct point of contact, just middle management at best.
Not my work, but resonated: https://www.opb.org/news/article/washington-state-clark-county-covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-readiness-reopening/
I will share one thing that hit me harder than I expected. On Sunday one of my tracers talked to a contact who reported symptoms. Acting as team lead, I escalated this to the local health department. These words sound so factual and frankly unexciting, but reporting my first presumptive positive case did not feel routine. I have mostly been experiencing this pandemic in terms of populations, incidence curves, and sweeping policies - but here was a sick individual that was, for a few minutes, my responsibility. I rushed to call and email the people I needed to reach and then I sat with it for a few minutes. I broke down briefly.
Sounds melodramatic. Feels melodramatic. But in that moment it got to me. I wasn't even the direct point of contact, just middle management at best.
Not my work, but resonated: https://www.opb.org/news/article/washington-state-clark-county-covid-19-coronavirus-outbreak-readiness-reopening/
Sunday, June 7, 2020
COVID problems are so two weeks ago
My somewhat incoherent ramblings on race relations aside, this blog is about the pandemic, so I'll return us to that topic.
Starting June 1st I have been officially deployed in COVID response. My first work week was fairly straightforward with learning and watching and a lot of meetings. On Friday afternoon things went from theoretical to real.
I don't know what I can or should say about my job duties, so I will leave it at this. It involves contact tracing, and I am managing a small team this weekend in response to an urgent need. I'm on call and acting as the point of connection between a few different groups.
I've never been a manager before. It's something I honestly enjoy. Helping other people succeed is my jam. Starting a supervisory role over the weekend with limited support on a brand new project has been challenging. I am reminding myself that I am doing the best I can and that as long as I don't go too far off track then we can always fix any hiccups or mistakes as we go. I've gathered a host of things and stuck them into a mental file titled: "Monday Jess problems," so that I can focus on my team and their work, and our local partners and their needs. Just for the weekend.
Soon I may have a small team that oversees their own small teams. This jump is wild to me and I am trying not to wallow in my imposter syndrome. Who am I to suddenly be in charge of so much? Then again, bodies and minds are so clearly needed on this. I am watching my new colleagues run themselves ragged. People disappear and a look goes around the rest of the team. At first I worried it was because they might be getting sick. But I am realizing the more likely scenario is that they are burning out, and since the problem does not take a break, their absence comes at each person's breaking point instead of a natural deadline. Public health, mental health, it is all wrapped up together.
How are we qualified? We were the ones who said yes. We volunteered to take this on.
This all sounds dramatic and it isn't, really. It is work.
The narrative of a COVID-driven world has dampened in the face of brutality and protest. Which is to say that the virus is ever-present, but not in the spotlight. It is the subtext, a catalyzer, an uninvited guest at every gathering, and an emotional and economic stressor that adds an edge to every speech and interaction. Which is also exactly how racism has worked too - visibly present for some, invisible to others, but stitched throughout everything we do.
My work means that I do not go out and gather. Is it fear or cowardice on my part? That is there too. I'm on call all weekend and I am becoming an integral part of a response that will falter without fresh blood. If I get sick? We are set back. Am I that important? Not really. I also work in an office fairly regularly now and I am a higher risk to my peers if I gather. Are these excuses? Yes.
In my household we are adjusting what we watch, what we read, where we buy. We are working to diversify our attention and our dollars. Right now it feels very black and white, which is complicated for someone like me, whose mother was slapped at school for being a "dirty Mexican" but has for most intents and purposes been whitened and accepted/assimilated. There is space for all of these realities, and I do not want to diminish the stark divide between black and white America right now. These are complications that are "next month Jess problems." It's continuous work.
I started somewhere and I am wrapping up in an entirely different place. Because race and pandemic are not disconnected. The inequity in our systems perpetuates inequality in our experiences. We cannot separate out a disease and the social patterns that determine where it will be present and how much damage it does. It's complicated and difficult and the answers are not pretty.
Will the protests lead to an increase in COVID cases? Yes. That's not a pretty answer. Are they still worth the risk? It depends on what happens next. Do we fizzle out and return to a broken status quo?
I also want to point out that people have been taking more risks and going out more - protests aside. In Oregon, all counties except for Multnomah have begun to reopen. We cannot solely blame what happens in the next few weeks on protesters. We are all searching for cohesive narratives that tell a continuous and logical story, but we do not live in a controlled experiment and there are so many confounding elements.
Starting June 1st I have been officially deployed in COVID response. My first work week was fairly straightforward with learning and watching and a lot of meetings. On Friday afternoon things went from theoretical to real.
I don't know what I can or should say about my job duties, so I will leave it at this. It involves contact tracing, and I am managing a small team this weekend in response to an urgent need. I'm on call and acting as the point of connection between a few different groups.
I've never been a manager before. It's something I honestly enjoy. Helping other people succeed is my jam. Starting a supervisory role over the weekend with limited support on a brand new project has been challenging. I am reminding myself that I am doing the best I can and that as long as I don't go too far off track then we can always fix any hiccups or mistakes as we go. I've gathered a host of things and stuck them into a mental file titled: "Monday Jess problems," so that I can focus on my team and their work, and our local partners and their needs. Just for the weekend.
Soon I may have a small team that oversees their own small teams. This jump is wild to me and I am trying not to wallow in my imposter syndrome. Who am I to suddenly be in charge of so much? Then again, bodies and minds are so clearly needed on this. I am watching my new colleagues run themselves ragged. People disappear and a look goes around the rest of the team. At first I worried it was because they might be getting sick. But I am realizing the more likely scenario is that they are burning out, and since the problem does not take a break, their absence comes at each person's breaking point instead of a natural deadline. Public health, mental health, it is all wrapped up together.
How are we qualified? We were the ones who said yes. We volunteered to take this on.
This all sounds dramatic and it isn't, really. It is work.
The narrative of a COVID-driven world has dampened in the face of brutality and protest. Which is to say that the virus is ever-present, but not in the spotlight. It is the subtext, a catalyzer, an uninvited guest at every gathering, and an emotional and economic stressor that adds an edge to every speech and interaction. Which is also exactly how racism has worked too - visibly present for some, invisible to others, but stitched throughout everything we do.
My work means that I do not go out and gather. Is it fear or cowardice on my part? That is there too. I'm on call all weekend and I am becoming an integral part of a response that will falter without fresh blood. If I get sick? We are set back. Am I that important? Not really. I also work in an office fairly regularly now and I am a higher risk to my peers if I gather. Are these excuses? Yes.
In my household we are adjusting what we watch, what we read, where we buy. We are working to diversify our attention and our dollars. Right now it feels very black and white, which is complicated for someone like me, whose mother was slapped at school for being a "dirty Mexican" but has for most intents and purposes been whitened and accepted/assimilated. There is space for all of these realities, and I do not want to diminish the stark divide between black and white America right now. These are complications that are "next month Jess problems." It's continuous work.
I started somewhere and I am wrapping up in an entirely different place. Because race and pandemic are not disconnected. The inequity in our systems perpetuates inequality in our experiences. We cannot separate out a disease and the social patterns that determine where it will be present and how much damage it does. It's complicated and difficult and the answers are not pretty.
Will the protests lead to an increase in COVID cases? Yes. That's not a pretty answer. Are they still worth the risk? It depends on what happens next. Do we fizzle out and return to a broken status quo?
I also want to point out that people have been taking more risks and going out more - protests aside. In Oregon, all counties except for Multnomah have begun to reopen. We cannot solely blame what happens in the next few weeks on protesters. We are all searching for cohesive narratives that tell a continuous and logical story, but we do not live in a controlled experiment and there are so many confounding elements.
Friday, June 5, 2020
Incident Command: Again
I've thrown myself at emergency response a few times now, and the process has been convoluted and frustrating. However, I finally made it!
There are the petty things - throwing myself at a (volunteer) job. Being offered the job. Having it reassigned to someone else. Being re-offered it. Going to an office building for the first time in a month. Trying to figure out when I can work from home, which job (my "day job" and my "temp job") claims which hours. If I can do overtime. If I am qualified for this role.
In April I spent a day at the Incident Command Post before it was discovered they meant to send a different Jessica and I hadn't actually been assigned. It took until June 1st to get me fully up and running in a new role. I had started to train for a different role and it turns out I was assigned but never told about it until I was working on my new one.
I wanted to log all of these things, but as I return to this topic I find that they don't seem as important. Yes it is frustrating to get jerked around and to have no idea what the job is, what the next day looks like, or who is making these decisions. But when things went from intro to buckling down to the work? Well, everything else doesn't seem to matter. We're all trying to do our best and, yes, things could go better. But we are here and we have to make it work now, not in the past.
I walked the dog tonight after finishing my work around 8. A voice on a loudspeaker at a local school track was working through names of graduating high school seniors and, if I didn't know better, I would have thought it was an ordinary commencement ceremony. There were no people on the field, only a smattering of households listening from their front yard. Strange how things can feel so odd and also so normal, so sad and also hopeful. Or maybe we just feel, not one emotion but many simultaneously, raw.
Time has been playing tricks again this week - almost like the beginning of the pandemic. Everything moves so quickly and also so slowly.
There are the petty things - throwing myself at a (volunteer) job. Being offered the job. Having it reassigned to someone else. Being re-offered it. Going to an office building for the first time in a month. Trying to figure out when I can work from home, which job (my "day job" and my "temp job") claims which hours. If I can do overtime. If I am qualified for this role.
In April I spent a day at the Incident Command Post before it was discovered they meant to send a different Jessica and I hadn't actually been assigned. It took until June 1st to get me fully up and running in a new role. I had started to train for a different role and it turns out I was assigned but never told about it until I was working on my new one.
I wanted to log all of these things, but as I return to this topic I find that they don't seem as important. Yes it is frustrating to get jerked around and to have no idea what the job is, what the next day looks like, or who is making these decisions. But when things went from intro to buckling down to the work? Well, everything else doesn't seem to matter. We're all trying to do our best and, yes, things could go better. But we are here and we have to make it work now, not in the past.
I walked the dog tonight after finishing my work around 8. A voice on a loudspeaker at a local school track was working through names of graduating high school seniors and, if I didn't know better, I would have thought it was an ordinary commencement ceremony. There were no people on the field, only a smattering of households listening from their front yard. Strange how things can feel so odd and also so normal, so sad and also hopeful. Or maybe we just feel, not one emotion but many simultaneously, raw.
Time has been playing tricks again this week - almost like the beginning of the pandemic. Everything moves so quickly and also so slowly.
Tuesday, June 2, 2020
I can't breathe
Portland has been under curfew for the last few nights. George Floyd was killed in Minneapolis when a police officer restrained him and kneeled on his neck for over eight minutes. The reverberations have echoed nationwide.
I have a lot of thoughts and a lot of feelings. I went into the office yesterday to start a new role with COVID response and a restaurant a block away had every window broken. We were asked to leave the government building after lunch for our own safety. But these things are not what I want to focus on, because they are inconveniences, not life or death matters.
I am, in this order, Mexican, American Revolution white, and Cuban by ancestry. I don't feel that I get to say what the protests across our nation mean, what it means to be Black in America, what it means to face policy brutality. I do not want to burden my friends and acquaintances with educating me, so I have been mostly quiet. Silence furthers oppression, so I want to say that I am listening, learning, and working towards how I can best be an ally. I do not want to use my voice if there are others I can prioritize, but I don't yet know enough to feel confident about how and who that is. I'm working on it. I'm working on myself.
Also: COVID -19 is still here. I worry for folks. I know that jails are hot spots of the virus already and large crowds pose a risk. How do we care for ourselves while uniting as a community? How do we keep people out of hospitals? I don't have answers, only questions.
I have a lot of thoughts and a lot of feelings. I went into the office yesterday to start a new role with COVID response and a restaurant a block away had every window broken. We were asked to leave the government building after lunch for our own safety. But these things are not what I want to focus on, because they are inconveniences, not life or death matters.
I am, in this order, Mexican, American Revolution white, and Cuban by ancestry. I don't feel that I get to say what the protests across our nation mean, what it means to be Black in America, what it means to face policy brutality. I do not want to burden my friends and acquaintances with educating me, so I have been mostly quiet. Silence furthers oppression, so I want to say that I am listening, learning, and working towards how I can best be an ally. I do not want to use my voice if there are others I can prioritize, but I don't yet know enough to feel confident about how and who that is. I'm working on it. I'm working on myself.
Also: COVID -19 is still here. I worry for folks. I know that jails are hot spots of the virus already and large crowds pose a risk. How do we care for ourselves while uniting as a community? How do we keep people out of hospitals? I don't have answers, only questions.
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